Another death happened today. My friend’s dad died. Not by cancer, not by old age, not by overdose. Just life happened, and death is a part of life. But what is so hard about death is that it comes when you are not expecting it. Death can sneak up out of nowhere. Now, I am not a doctor, but there are some truths about death:

• Death is irreversible. There is no medicine or surgery that can fix death.
• Death is universal. Every living thing dies.
• Death is final. The heart literally stops and the physical life of the body is done.

Even though I know these things, I still expect my son, Jacob “Jake” Johnson, who died just a few days before Christmas 2024, to come running in the door. I can hear him say, “Just kidding!” as he lived up to his namesake. His death has thrown me into a deep spiral of the couldva, wouldva, shouldvas. I mean, I am his mom, and I failed to save and protect him. He was only 20 years old when his beautiful life abruptly ended.

Grief like this is hard to put into words. The stages of grief are not a box to check; they move in and around me. At times, I can laugh and remember the joy Jake brought to my life, and other times I experience the pain and freeze. It’s been a week since he has passed, and here are three things that I have found helpful:

1. Jake Being Remembered: On Christmas, we brought a photo of Jake with us to share in the festivities with family. We shared some of our favorite memories of Jake including going down water slides, bucket challenges, Christmas presents, fan-making, dressing up in costumes, eating Mac-n-Cheese, and playing ball. People have sent me photos of Jake with their kids at birthday parties, Boy Scouts, corn mazes, at school events, and violin concerts. When Jake is remembered, my heart heals ever so slightly. Please keep sharing him with us!
2. Support and Love: Thankfully, I have a family that loves me including my husband and my oldest son. Spending time with them away from home has been healing. But so is receiving text messages, posts, poems, and phone calls from over 500 people from different parts of the world. We have heard from extended family members, Malagasy colleagues, church members, pastors, friends, and the wider community. We have been showered in flowers, love, thoughts, and prayers. While it is hard to respond to everyone, please know that you have been heard, received, and cherished. Please keep sharing your love with us!
3. Being Sensitive to Questions: When someone has a death in the family, be restraint in asking how that person died. As my friend, Shannyn, wrote: “While it is a curious question, it feels judgmental. It is painful and, I will say, it can feel rude to have some pry. People are in enough pain already with a death. Those who needed to know the details know the details. Respecting the space and boundaries is an act of love.”

All I have left from Jake is memories, photos, his favorite stuffed animal named “Baby Jack,” and a promise that we will be united together one day. Being a pastor, I sometimes forget that what I preach is for me, too. Just like death is for the physical body, God’s love is the finale for our lives found in Jesus Christ. So check this out these truths about God’s love.

• God’s love is irreversible. It’s a love that exists within you. It cannot be reversed.
• God’s love is universal. It’s for everyone!
• God’s love is final. It has the final word in our lives.

We will celebrate God’s love in Jacob’s life on Saturday, January 18, 2025 at 11 am at Bethlehem Lutheran Church – Twin Cities at 4100 Lyndale Ave South, Minneapolis, MN 55409. Visitation beforehand at 10 am.

The day Baby Jake was baptized, 2004.